It’s a taboo question. We seem to glance over the idea, and a whopping 76% of people keep their office relationship a secret due to the stigma. It’s as if we’ve been transported 200 years back and one shouldn’t even dream of such improper behaviour.
But in all seriousness, office romance is more common than we realise. We spend so much time working with our colleagues, connecting at the coffee point or sharing similar ideas in meetings, so it’s not surprising that this manifests into romanticism. The question still stands though: is it a good idea?
A love story to end all love stories
There’s nothing more romantic than meeting the “love of your life” at work, right? It’s definitely a story for the grandkids. Nowadays, it seems more difficult to meet someone, despite all the dating apps and faux pas on social media messaging. We’ve seen it all before; the classic meet-cute played out in most heteronormative rom-coms. So being able to live this out in real life seems as though all our dreams have come true.
According to a survey by YouGov, approximately 20% of Brits meet their partners at work. And before you think it’s just the youth that fall into this trap, it’s more common for those aged 44–54 years old. The truth is, it’s much easier to connect when you’re not trying too hard. And it’s even more natural thanks to our work habits. It’s been found that over the course of our working lifetime, Brits spend on average over 3,500 days at work. That’s plenty of time to develop a crush… Or two.
Naturally, your colleagues become very close friends, and you share a lot of similar interests — hence why you work in the same building. And don’t forget all those work socials! It’s much harder to maintain boundaries when the booze (aka, the love potion) comes out. Stay mindful though that the outcome might be less Pam and Jim from The Office, and more Jasper and Iris in The Holiday…
Fresh and organic products
Finding love and dating is much more difficult, especially as we move into a virtual world. And whilst there is a market for dating apps, they’re not always fun. The anxiety of starting up a conversation, the fear of being catfished, and the trauma of seeing one too many surprise phalli, doesn’t really set the tone for romance.
On the other hand, meeting and dating co-workers really does have that organic feel to it. It’s easier to read each other’s mind, emotions and body language. Most of the time, you’re on the same page, and you’re less likely to take liberties due to the general risks of office dating. So, in this sense, it can be very refreshing to date your colleague, without the pressure of online dating.
Keep it PG
Let’s be real here; every bystander hates witnessing PDA — it’s sickening. So if you are going to date your co-workers, then for Pete’s sake, avoid playing footsies under the desk or flirting in the boardroom! Not only is this highly unprofessional, but it’s also distracting (for everyone).
Your personal affairs shouldn’t get in the way of your career or work tasks. And I’m sure your colleagues would prefer not to be stuck in the middle of your sexual tension. It’s polite to set boundaries while at work, even remotely — you really don’t want to be messaging like a 12-year-old on MSN and missing your deadlines. So keep the kissing out-of-hours, thank you.
Not so sexist!
It’s important to mention that women get the stick for dating their co-workers more than their male counterparts. It’s looked upon as crude and having a lack of respect for oneself. Male workers are often more congratulated, whereas women are criticised. There are ethical standards to adhere to, and you don’t want to cross the line when it comes to workplace harassment.
Despite the #MeToo Movement, this hasn’t stopped women from wanting to date their co-workers (or feeling less empowered to say ‘no’ to sleazy superior). However, it takes two to tango, so let’s stop slut-shaming only the women for having a work romance — remember that this is a mutual decision.
A hot topic of conversation
So you have similar interests, you’ve got great chemistry, but the conversation isn’t flowing? This tends to be because ultimately when you run out of things to say, you end up talking about work. When you’re not dating your colleague, coming home to “hey honey, how was your day?”, is sweet and endearing. But your day is evidently not something you need to discuss when you’ve just spent the last 8 hours together. And it can get pretty repetitive when really you want to learn more about each other on a personal level. So, put a ban on office chat outside of work because you still need to switch off.
Also, let’s not forget that you might be the topic of office gossip, so start growing a thick skin. It’s impossible to keep anything a secret, and the details of your crush will spread like wildfire. Whilst this isn’t always a negative outcome, it can just be more difficult to grow a relationship when people stick their noses in. Again, keep your professional and private life separate. Instead, steer the conversation in your favour and avoid discussing the juicy details (even with your office bestie).
Messy break-ups…
Bear in mind that things could go sour. It’s hard enough going through a break-up, let alone seeing your ex sitting a mere 2 metres away from you — that’s enough to make your blood boil. This is where remote working is a blessing because you don’t have to be reminded 24/7 or feel the awkwardness. Even so, it can become catty in the (virtual) team meetings when you keep disagreeing with ideas or comments.
Try not to get your colleagues involved or discuss it with mutual friends; this comes back to bite you in the bum. However, as long as you hold your head up high and don’t play into the “he said/she said” rhetoric, you can be civil. Don’t hold a grudge; remember that there is still work to be done.
A ‘superior’ mistake
The same as a teacher-student relationship is criticised, don’t date your superiors either. Yes, the power play between a boss and employee is some sort of fantasy, but it’s also a bad idea. If your romantic affair becomes known, any promotion you may receive in the future can be viewed as cronyism. Even if you’re promoted as a result of your obvious ambition and skill, it could be overlooked and may even cause a rift between you and other colleagues.
However, 34% of managers said they don’t actually mind their employees dating. There might be some rules in the HR department and you may need to sign a contract; but as long as you’re not treading on anyone’s toes, you’re free to date!
And they lived happily ever after!
Meeting your partner at work is one of the most organic and fun ways to develop a relationship. It’s not impossible, and we know that even actors fall in love on-screen due to working together — so it shouldn’t be so stigmatised.
The main points are to maintain an air of professionalism and be discreet so that you prevent people from getting involved and sabotaging your relationship (or career). Remember, this isn’t a Love Island parody! You need to set boundaries both at work and out-of-hours for a healthy balance. Who knows, maybe the love of your life is right under your nose…
Written by Naida Allen
WellBe is spearheading the way to a brighter future for corporate wellness. Our innovative portal is scientifically designed and tailored to each individual employee to improve their wellbeing. We specialise in a range of services from coaching and therapists, to meditation and reading materials. Our aim is to reduce workplace stress that costs UK businesses £42 billion per year. Get in touch with us by visiting our site wellbe.global for more information.
