Love Languages: The Key to a Long-Lasting Relationship

  • DO — encourage your partner genuinely and often. Give your partner a different compliment every day, such as ‘I appreciate what you’re doing’ or ‘that dish you made yesterday was so good’. Compliment them in their presence but also behind their back. If expressing words is not one of your strengths, then you might want to practise in front of a mirror.
  • DO NOT — criticise your partner in a non-constructive way. Non-constructive criticism will be extremely discouraging towards your partner and shows a lack of appreciation or recognition of your partner’s efforts.
  • DO — Spend one-on-one time together. Have quality conversations where you are fully focussed and maintain eye contact, listen and ask questions. Ask them random things about their childhood. If they are having problems, ask them how they feel about it. Find things to do together like planning a weekend away together or going for a walk. And if you have children, play games together. Also remember that it is important you are talking during these activities.
  • DO NOT — waste precious time by being distracted with your phone or the TV. When your partner is talking, listen and do not try to solve their problems! What your partner really needs is support and understanding. Only give your advice if they ask for it.
  • DO — Give thoughtful gifts or gestures. Think about the time your partner expressed excitement over any particular gifts they received in the past. Or perhaps, they saw something and mentioned it to you while you were browsing some shops. If nothing comes to mind, then you need to ask friends or family who might have an idea. If you are the one receiving a gift, then express genuine gratitude.
  • DO NOT — wait for a special occasion to give a gift. Gifts can be given any time and shows that you think about your partner all the time. That being said, do not forget special occasions, such as birthdays or anniversaries. Forgetting such occasions will make your partner think that you do not value them. Lastly, do not unenthusiastically give gifts.
  • DO — chores together. This can make it fun and also save time. Go out of your way to alleviate their daily workload. This is particularly important if you have children. Ask your partner about things that they would like to get done. Make a list so that you know for next time, and won’t have to ask them. This will show that you listened and that you care.
  • DO NOT — make the requests of others a priority. If your friend asks you to drop them off at the airport, but your partner needs something done, then prioritising your friend may make your partner feel unloved. If acts of service are your love language, then do not nag your partner, but ask them nicely to get things done.
  • DO — regularly display physical affection with your partner. Hug them, hold hands, give them a back rub. Words may not have the same weight to your partner, but physical touching communicates that you care. That is why when someone is crying, you cannot help but hug them or put an arm around their shoulder without saying anything.
  • DO NOT — give or receive physical touch coldly. This makes your partner feel unwanted and unfortunately, since physical touching is very easy to do, they may seek this somewhere else.

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