Find your Tribe: How to make friends, build a community, and create the life you desire
Sometimes, our life isn’t how we’d like it to be. Whether you’ve just moved to a new place and don’t know anyone, or you’re simply feeling a little stuck, branching out and creating a community can be challenging. And with only three in ten of Brits feeling happy with our lives, it’s likely you’re not alone.
Our lives have become incredibly tedious, especially in recent times. Stuck working from home and unable to go out with friends due to local restrictions, you may have lost touch with people you once cared about, or simply distanced yourself from toxic relationships. Although you may feel stuck, you’re actually sitting on a great foundation for the life you truly desire.
But, where do you even begin to branch out? How can you build a community, especially in a pandemic? Well, here are a few tips to help you to find your tribe.
Get out there!
Although making friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were five, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. While your life might revolve around work, take some time to discover any old hobbies you loved doing, and join local groups.
If there’s something you’re particularly good at or you’ve always wanted to try, why not use websites like Meetup to discover events happening in your local area. By broadening your horizon, you’ll meet loads of like-minded people who might just be your new community.
Due to current local restrictions, physically leaving might not be the best idea. Although you might be stuck at home, it doesn’t mean you can’t network and socialise online with new and interesting people.
Has there been someone in the office you’ve always thought you’d get along with, but you’ve been too scared to talk to them? Send them an email or private message discussing something at work! In a meeting, reach out to others and talk more. Or even simply connect with your co-workers on LinkedIn, expanding your connections and future job opportunities.
No one in the office you want to be mates with? Hope is not lost! There are thousands of online forums, groups, and communities for you to join. For example, if you have a pet pup and want to expand their circle as well as yours, why not download Meet My Dog. Are you a mum looking to expand her community? Download Peanut. And if you want someone to practice your favourite sport with, go to ATLETO and start running! Or, why not give dating apps a break and search for friends on BumbleBFF. You could even search Facebook or other social networking sites for groups in your local area and meet people with similar interests to you. (However, if you do make friends online, make sure they’re not a catfish.)
While you might feel disconnected due to the pandemic, your new best friend could be a single swipe away …
Forget the small talk
Rob Kendall, the author of Blamestorming and founder of conversationexpert.com, believes that ‘modern life is pulling us away from making deep human connections.’ And, with constant tapping, liking, and using emojis to convey feelings instead of words, we have to agree with him. In trying to make ourselves follow-able online, it’s changed how we present in real life. As we try to mould ourselves into the person others want to see, we hide the person we actually want to be.
In your search to create a community of brilliant people, uncensor yourself. Become the person you want to be, and ask the deep questions that mean the most to you.
Ok, so walking up to someone and immediately asking ‘what’s your opinion on pineapple on pizza?’ is a little odd. However, asking meaningful questions can help instil a deeper connection and to help you learn more about someone than a surface level chat ever could. So, ask yourself, what would you like to see in the people around you? Whether it’s someone who’s had a similar upbringing, a love of the outdoors, or someone who also appreciates the fine art of German cinema, don’t be afraid to ask questions and talk about the things you love. (However, you should start with the basics before you jump in the deep end!)
Shut up!
Sometimes, it’s hard to know when to stop, especially when we’re excited and haven’t felt a deep connection for a while; we can just go on and on and on. But, although talking about your experiences is key to finding your community, listening is also a key part.
Psychologist Traci Ruble explains that ‘to be a good listener, you need to be compassionate, and a good listener towards yourself.’ You also need to be ‘interested in sharing power’ as ‘the number one reason we don’t listen is that we don’t want to be influenced.’ Ruble goes on to explain that one tip is not to simply listen until ‘you understand, but until the person feels heard’.
By giving others the time to speak and opening your heart, you’re allowing yourself to create deeper connections with people who could become your trusted friends. By truly hearing people, allowing their words to affect you and possibly alter your opinion, you’re showing that you’re not a head-strong leader of your new community, but an equal.
Push yourself (and others)
Although we all have a dream life in our heads, one person is stopping us from achieving it: ourselves. Sure, there might be other factors to consider (e.g. moving country on a whim might have some practical), but sitting back and letting the world pass us by, we’re letting ourselves fizzle away.
So, stop pulling in your comfort blanket and push yourself! It’s ok to start small, but if you’re used to making a safe choice, choose something risky. Although it might make you a bit nervous, it will allow you to grow more as a person because you will learn from the experience.
Within your community, it’s also beneficial to push those around you. If one of your friends is at a crossroads or is unsure about a situation that would be great for them, but they’re not going to take the risk as it’s not in their comfort zone, tell them to go for it! In listening and supporting others, you should be free to share your mind and help encourage them in every aspect of their lives.
Connect people
Do you have two people that you think would be brilliant mates? Or does one friend have a problem that someone you know could solve? Don’t be afraid to connect people! But, don’t expect to get anything from it — you should be connecting people because you think they would both benefit, not yourself. Why not host a meal or zoom quiz during lockdown and see what happens!
Although — to connect people, you need to meet them first. There are a million and one ways to connect with people — not to mention billions of people you can connect with! So, if you’re ready to start finding your tribe, here are some final pieces of advice:
- Don’t just make friends for the sake of it. Make friends with people who empower you to be better
- Give as much you take. Don’t command all of someone’s time without giving them any of yours
- Don’t be put off by rejection. In life, people come and go, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find your tribe who will be your ride or die. Keep connecting, but don’t be afraid of letting go
Written by Alison Irlam
WellBe is spearheading the way to a brighter future for corporate wellness. Our innovative portal is scientifically designed and tailored to each individual employee to improve their wellbeing. We specialise in a range of services from coaching and therapists, to meditation and reading materials. Our aim is to reduce workplace stress that costs UK businesses £42 billion per year. Get in touch with us by visiting our site wellbe.global for more information.
