Being single on Valentine’s Day can feel like the end of the world. With love hearts on every corner and your Instagram feed filled to the brim with couples in love, Valentine’s Day can be hard to avoid.
Are you dreading February the 14th, too? Instead of spending your day wallowing, here are a few tips and ideas to help you feel the love on Valentine’s Day.
1. Remember it’s just another day
Ok, this might make me sound anti-cupid, but Valentine’s Day really is just another day. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s just a holiday that has only boomed in our recent history in order to sell cards.
While it might not feel as insignificant in the moment or in your head, just because it’s a holiday, it doesn’t mean you have to celebrate it. Sure, some people will be loved up, writing romantic cards to their valentine. But others won’t — just like people who don’t celebrate Christmas. December 25th is just another day to them. Treat February 14th in the same way.
2. Swap self-pity for self-compassion
So, I’m not going to lie to you; it absolutely sucks that there’s no one in your life that wants to share Valentine’s Day with you — it’s unbelievably rubbish. But, that doesn’t mean you should spend the day feeling sorry for yourself.
Yes — you don’t have a romantic partner, but there are so many people in your life who do love and care for you… They just might not want to hop into bed with you at the end of the night.
Instead of crying curled up in a ball because you haven’t got a valentine, ask yourself these questions:
- Who or what are you grateful for?
- Who in your life DOES show you love (even if it’s not romantic)?
Create a list of all the people and things you love, and you’ll quickly see that while you might not be getting flowers from the person you fancy, you are still surrounded by so much love and care.
3. Share the love with others
Valentine’s Day doesn’t just have to be a celebration of romantic relationships, but a way to show how much the people in your life mean to you.
Whether it’s someone from the list you’ve just created or a group of friends you care about, why not spread the love this Valentine’s Day? You could write cards for your friends, buy someone a surprise takeaway, or even make your mum a really nice meal.
Sharing the love, of course, doesn’t mean you have to spend copious amounts of money. Simply sending someone a text with a thank you or all the reasons you love and appreciate them would put a spring in anyone’s step this Valentine’s Day (as long as it’s not a love letter to your boss).
4. Avoid thinking about relationships
Whether they were a distant flame or a recent fling, on Valentine’s Day our failed conquests sometimes come back to haunt us. Either you see a photo of them with their new beau online, or you find yourself flicking through archives in your mind.
It’s important to avoid thinking about relationships on days like these, especially if you’ve recently split with your partner. Instead of sitting in self-pity, try to plan out a day full of activities you’d love to do. You could spend your day painting, watching your favourite film, or even treat yourself to a nice takeaway — whatever you like! Keep yourself busy by planning a day around you.
If you’ve had a breakup recently, or you feel like you need a little extra support, however, authors Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt and Greg Behrendt, suggest you get a ‘Breakup Buddy’. Whenever you feel like you need to reach out to your ex, call your friend instead. Watch a movie with your buddy over zoom. Have them distract you, talk through your feelings, or help you in any way during this difficult period.
Even if your break up wasn’t recent, painful memories of your ex are hard to thwart. So, if you’re struggling to move forward or want extra support, book a meeting with one of our Wellness Coaches. Memories of past relationships can feel like a tunnel with no way out, but we’re here to find you the perfect shovel to help you dig your way out.
5. Treat yourself
Just because someone else isn’t there to show you love, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. Like you would with your friends, treat yourself the same love and kindness this Valentine’s Day.
Get yourself a nice takeaway, treat yourself to an indulgent bath with some bath bombs, or even spend the afternoon playing a video game you love but never really get the time to play.
While we all know the importance of self care, the reality is that the typical in-the-moment actions don’t have any long term effects on our mental health.
While our little indulgent treats are nice, they act more like a plaster for our problems, rather than helping us in the long-term. So, instead of just doing the nice, fun things that are easy, show your future self some love by booking that doctor’s appointment that you’ve been avoiding or sorting out your taxes. You might just fall in love with your past self.
6. Buy all the discounted chocolate you can get your hands on!
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, the best thing about Valentine’s Day is all the discounted chocolate the days after. Why not show yourself even more love and buy yourself a box. Sure, it might go with your new diet plan, but sometimes we all deserve a little indulgence.
If you can’t afford to buy yourself loads or don’t have too much time during Valentine’s Day itself, remember to take the time this month to focus on you. Whether it’s an hour a day, an afternoon one day a week, or a whole day a month, make sure you’re still loving yourself and treating yourself with kindness.
They love me, they love me not …
However you decide to spend Valentine’s Day, try not to dwell on the significance of the day and do whatever you can to make sure you feel good. Whether it’s getting into journaling, hanging out with some friends on zoom, or throwing yourself into a hobby you love, not to get too Marie Kondo, but only do things that bring you joy.
If you are struggling or would just like some guidance, make a meeting with one of our Wellness Coaches, and we’ll help you find your spark again.
Written by Alison Irlam
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